How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
