so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize