There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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