addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
