maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
