I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
