In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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