Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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