every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
