Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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