just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
