just come out here and I will go home with you...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
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I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He has the fingertips of a God
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