The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
