I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
