How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
