in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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