There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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