i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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