ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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