I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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