My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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