I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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