My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
should my penis look like a turkey
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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