Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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