it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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