Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
