i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
