Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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