I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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