Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
