Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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