I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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