well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
