In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
