I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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