I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
