dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
