is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
