WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
