I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
