you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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