So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
