oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You left your underwear on the fireplace
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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