i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
