Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
