his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
