I'm lost and stupid without you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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