The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
