It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
