Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
