Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
