The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
