don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
