It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
