Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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