Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
