No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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