i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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