fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
