They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize