its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
