I could make wine with my vomit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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