Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
