What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
