you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
