Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
