Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
